The things I see

my mind was all over the place today. the more i try to focus on finishing one blog BLAM ideas would cease. since 2013 is about me staying in the flow i figured i'd go back to my roots at what i do best......RANTING. yes i'm sure you've all missed that part of me. spending quality time working on my ego(i'm a work in progress. don't judge me). i don't think it's an ego or conceit. i prefer to view it as being overly confident. i'm sure that something i say in the post will offend somebody(it's not really any fun if i don't get under anyone's skin) so be it. y'all should be used to it by now. *takes a deep breath* here goes....

what is this fascination with SATAN?!!! things go awry and all of a sudden people claim that SATAN has been busy. what's up with that bullsh%t? why do folks insist on giving their power away? don't they realize that their words have energy. your thoughts and words create the world around you. so why would you continue to focus on something or someone(not sure what category this falls under) that serves no purpose in your life? that's the worst thing you can do to yourself and those around you. maybe i'm being too critical. i stopped going to church decades ago. it didn't bring me any fulfillment. it's funny because when i tell people that they ASSume that i haven't taken the time to find the "right" church. please don't flood my inbox with invitations to your church either. i'm sure it works great for you. i'm beyond that. i don't criticize anyone for believing religious dogma. actually......i take that back. i do criticize you from a place of love. *wink* i enjoy discussions with people of various faiths. i find it fascinating that so many people believe in so many different ideologies and can't find a common ground. i realized long ago that these different paths lead to the same place. it doesn't matter the name used or the book being read from. it comes from ONE source. many disagree and that's fine. what's important is that we respect one another's opinion and not resort to name calling.

which brings me to rant #2......can we have civil discourse without the name calling? just because i'm BLACK and LATINA doesn't mean that i have to believe what you believe. it's called a difference of opinion assh@le. geez....get a grip. i saw it happening all over facebook during the election. heaven forbid you say anything negative or criticize the president on his first term. negroes acted like they were going to lynch you and sacrifice your first born. all for what.....a difference of opinion? IDK. too many of us think we're free. in reality we behave like mental slaves to an oppressor we can't see. i don't agree with a lot of things people say even racist things. i realize that folks are entitled to think they way they think. it becomes a problem when you infringe on that right. if a business, corporation, church, non-profit etc. has beliefs you don't agree with, take your business elsewhere. as society changes, attitudes change. those that want to stay relevant and keep their doors open will embrace change. those that don't will shutter their doors and fade from memory.

rant #3.....STUPID people. it's one thing to not know something and ask questions. it's another thing to never make any effort to pay attention and ask the same retarded(i like the word and this isn't a politically correct post so stuff it) questions over and over again should be slapped silly. case in point, you want to merge into the left lane but your blinker is showing you plan to merge in the right lane. another example, you know there is a process in place at work but you never take the time to learn what the FCUK it is because you've decided that it's beneath you since you have more important things to do with your time. since you never make the effort to gain a general overview of how things are done anytime this process has to be used YOU have to ask what steps are involved every single time. and you wonder why i look at you with daggers shooting from my eyes because in my head i'm asking myself "are you as dumb as you look?" i was raised in a household where my parents rarely repeated themselves. it was MY responsibility to act accordingly when spoken to. if only my fairy godmother would appear with some fairy dust and sprinkle common sense on these fools. it would save me a lot of aggravation. my sarcasm and cynicism is starting to corrupt those around me. they're beginning to see situations and people for what they really are. it's so refreshing to hear everyone is on the same page and not arguing over miscellaneous details. it's true, your circle is a reflection of who you are. spend time around people uplifting people and you will be uplifted. waste time around folks who aren't about doing anything and i can guarantee that you'll end up doing the same thing NOTHING.

rant #4 stop expecting others to make you happy. they ain't doing shi% and they don't want to see you doing sh^t either. no one can make you happy. only YOU can make yourself happy. i really took that to heart this year. i wasted so much time looking for something that would solve all my problems. my problems are still there i just developed a different outlook. instead of crying my eyes out, i say something snarky and look for a bright side. i don't spend time with negative folks. we ALL have crosses that we're carrying. i wouldn't trade mine with anyone because i have no idea what they are going through. having an outlet to vent is very therapeutic. find something that feeds your soul and enjoy doing it. my suggestion,,,,SEX. sex makes everything better. it beats drinking(bad for your liver) and helps you burn calories.(melts that unwanted belly fat)

i'm done....FOR now. still working on 2 other tantra posts. now that i've gotten all this off my chest finishing them should be easy.

Bringing Sexy Back

I'll explain my hiatus in another post(i promise it won't take another 2+ years for me to write a blog). right now, let's dive into the topic at hand. why sexy back? well, sexy is what's in. it's what's hot and if you're not getting your fill(pun intended) then I'm about to change that. during my hiatus, i completed a tantra course with Jujumama and learned more about a topic that fascinates all of us SEX. i learned that SEX isn't limited to strictly to penetration(that's what many of us think and have been taught). turns out SEX is more than that. it's kissing, hugging, foreplay, holding hands, necking etc. all that fun & juicy stuff that makes us HOT. one thing SEX is not, is porn. we're a society obsessed with SEX yet we don't talk about it openly. through tantra, we're able to experience a higher level of spiritual consciousness. here's the scholastic definition of tantra i found on wikipedia:

     
     Tantra is that Asian body of beliefs and practices which, working from the principle that the universe we

     experience is nothing other than the concrete manifestation of the divine energy of the godhead that 

     creates and maintains that universe, seeks to ritually appropriate and channel that energy, within the 

     human microcosm, in creative and emancipatory ways ~ Tantra in Practice, David Gordon White

Tantra enables us to manifest the world we desire. Think about that for a second: you can create the world and the life you've always dreamed about through sex. Obviously, there's more to it than random sex acts. I wanted to take this opportunity to list some of the ways you and your significant other can begin to create the life you desire most.

     Ladies, compliment your man. Sounds simple right? tell him something sweet and seductive that will lift his spirits. i asked my male friends if they received positive words of encouragement and astoundingly many of them said NO!!! WTF!!! you know you have a good man, a good father, and a good husband take the time to tell him that.

i don't want to hear any excuses "well, he doesn't say anything nice to me" blah blah blah blah blah. i don't care. let that man know you desire him. Make him feel needed. sounds silly i know but men want to feel needed. show him that he's more than just a paycheck.

     Initiate sex. that's right i said it. 

stop waiting for him to make the first move. don't spend the entire day at the salon(i know how we are, once our hair is done we don't want anyone to touch it) and prance around the house in victoria's secret(although that's not a bad idea either). you do have to set time aside to be intimate with one another. masturbation is great and may get you over that hump but nothing compares to having a warm set of arms wrapped around your body. Or to get slightly more graphic, wrapping your legs around his waist. Men want to be desired too. Think back to the time before you had kids, you probably couldn't keep your hands off one another. well, now's the time to brighten that spark. put it on him. take a bubble bath together. give each other massages. suck on his &$@!.....(you get my drift and if you don't use your imagination). 

     Finally, love your body.(this probably should have been the 1st but work with me here I'm still shaking off the cobwebs capish). you have to love the skin you're in. i don't care if you have stretch marks, pot marks, gained a few pounds. if you don't feel comfortable with yourself, how can you expect you lover to be comfortable with you. walk around the house NAKED!!!! 

that's right, NAKED with the lights on in some fancy heels that only pole dancers wear. see how quick that will get his attention.(watch him rise to attention too. heehee). these are but some of the ways, you can incorporate tantric principles into to your daily life. over time, you'll notice changes. i know i have. until the next time my sweets. get your SEXY BACK this 2013. 

Happily Ever After: A Cautionary Tale

i hadn't realized that it has been well over a year since i had written a piece. i know you must have missed me because i missed me. life goes on and there's so much for us to catch up on. i'll leave that for another post. let's focus on the topic at hand.

as a little girl, i dreamed that one day i would meet my prince charming(i.e. tall, dark, handsome with 6 pack abs & a butt i can bounce a quarter off of) *twinkling eyes* and he would wisk me away on his horse and we would live a life of luxury in a huge castle without a care in the world. don't worry folks i didn't get married and not tell you. that would be extremely rude of me now wouldn't it? i think every girl has that dream of being a fairy princess. afterall, we are trained from such an early age: cinderella, snow white and rapunzel are just a few we know by name. we are never told what happens afterwards. we're left to believe that they live happily ever after without a care in the world. that all their needs are met; that they never argue; that their children grow up to be well-behaved, productive citizens of society and love each other until they grow old & grey.

unfortunately, in some cases that's the furthest thing from the truth. a close friend of mine recently divorced her husband. she expected him to provide for his family; to handle the business necessary so that she could focus on raising their 3 children. instead, after waiting patiently for him to step up to the plate, the illusion wore off and the time came for them to go their separate ways. she's such an amazing person. she's not bitter or angry at him because she sees that he didn't know how to do those things. he didn't have the proper role model and he lacked the ambition to want to do better. the one thing she can't get back is the time they spent together. all she can do now is focus on setting a better example for her kids. she has a strong support system surrounding her(her parents, friends and non-blood related sisters)

a male acquaintance of mine left his wife. what i find intriguing about this case is on the surface they had everything going on:  nice house, fancy car, good paying jobs. both of them are young and ambitious under the age of 30. you'd think that when they exchanged their vows they thought it would last forever. it's difficult for me to be impartial because i saw a lot of things that i knew were detrimental to the marriage. i treated him like a brother and she became my client. i would tell him all the time that what he was doing was wrong. if he was that unhappy it was best to leave and not drag her into his mess. a lot of the females he dealt with knew that he was married. hell, i guess in some ways they reveled in the fact because it made them feel better about themselves. she had told me once in passing that they were having problems. she was determined to fight for her marriage. she felt that their strong spiritual connection with the Almighty would prevail and see them through the storm. i guess at some point his heart wasn't in it any more. at least, they didn't have children so no one is growing up asking where did daddy go. he has moved on with his life. he has a condo with a view of downtown. he can party all day & night now and doesn't have to answer to anyone. i wonder if she has moved. i reached out to her but haven't heard anything. i hope this doesn't cause her to close her heart and become bitter. it's understandable because she may feel betrayed that i didn't say anything sooner. it's an awkward place to be because i'm standing on the sidelines. i emphasize with her because i know what it feels like to be cheated on. but i've never been married. i never shared my home with someone and made plans on building a future together only to see it crumble into dust. so who am i to give advice on such a matter? 

no one gets married with the intention of getting divorced. when you think about it, we're not taught how to be married. society, family, religion(for those of you who are religious) expects it of us to get married, be fruitful and multiply. but they never teach us how. our mothers never share with us those dark moments when they cried themselves to sleep. when they felt alone and had no one to turn too. they don't tell us how they dealt with the lying, cheating, drinking, gambling or late nights outs because they want to protect us from the pain they felt. our fathers never tell us about their experiences running the streets. my dad always said that he would tell me when i was older. he passed away before he got the chance. he did give me some insight that  he was getting his in; juggling multiple women around town. it made me laugh because that wasn't the man i saw in front of me. still, i can only imagine some of the things he did. i wish parents prepared us better for that phase in our life. there are so many conflicting bits of information. most of the relationship experts have been divorced multiple times. how can you take advice from someone who's life is constantly in shambles? what kind of expert is that? we've grown accustomed to searching outside ourselves for answers that we rarely take a moment to be still and listen to that inner voice. in many ways, as we grow into adulthood we stop listening to that intuitive voice because it's so much easier to have someone else tell us what to do. it's time to go back..........time to reflect on how we want to live our lives and stop listening to all the chitta(sanskrit: means negative chatter). in order to build strong communities, we have to have strong unions. there has to be a conscious commitment from both individuals to put more value on the union instead of sex, money and material things. we have to show each other(men/women, men/men, women/women) that we value each other as human beings. that we respect each other and want to only the best for one another. maybe then we'll all live happily ever after and separation/divorce will become a thing of the past. i'd like to recommend the book for the sake of the bride. it was written by a dear friend of mine, kenneth lewis. in it he shares his personal story, antedotes, scriptures and ways to strengthen and preserve one's marriage. the book is available on amazon.com http://tinyurl.com/3vbx27f and any where paperback books are sold.

Do we expect too much?

For the past 3 weeks, I've gone to a meditation class.  You're probably wondering, why do I need a meditation class.  Afterall, I AM a yoga teacher so I should already know how to meditate right?  Well, while I'm familiar with the concept of meditation, there's a HUGE difference between knowing something and actually doing something.  Meditation happens to be one of those thing for me.  I know about it and the wonderful benefits of it, yet I never really take the time to sit still long enough to practice it.  It's a real challenge for me to sit completely still and clear my head of everything.  There is one topic that keeps coming up in our discussions:  expectations.  In sanskrit we call it raga.  Raga means making demands.  It's one of the four branches of avidya I referred to earlier.  We expect certain things from our jobs:  that we'll have one in the morning, we'll get paid on time, have healthcare benefits for ourselves and family members.  We expect things from our partner:  that they're faithful, trustworthy, supportive of us in our time of need.  We expect things from our friends:  that they're good listeners, share similar likes & dislikes, provide a shoulder to cry on, have something positive to say when everything else seems to be going wrong.  The list can go on & on.........What happens when our expectations aren't met?  We get upset, angry, even depressed because things don't go the way we planned. 

How do you let go of  your expectations?  We can't control what others do, say, think or feel about us.  In order to FREE ourselves, we have to STOP making demands.  We have to STOP putting pressure on ourselves and others.  By detaching ourselves from the outcome we begin to appreciate all that is positive in our lives.  Once we do that, we have gained control over raga and can experience a sense of clarity.

Perception & Action - The Intro

Avidya is the sanskrit term meaning "incorrect comprehension". It can be understood as the accumulated result of our many unconscious actions, the actions and ways of perceiving that we have been mechanically carrying out for years. As a result of these unconscious responses, the mind becomes more and more dependent on habits until we accept the actions of yesterday as the norms of today.(T.K.V. Desikachar, The Heart of Yoga)

Ask yourself, are you seeing and thinking clearly? If you continue to take the same approach to a problem, you're bound to get the same results. In the famous words, of T. Harv Eker, "Fix the roots, not the fruits." Our outward appearance is a manifestation of what lies within us. If you don't like what you see in the mirror, if you don't like what you've become, if you find that you're stuck in a rut then it's time for change. It's time to for a different approach. A new approach will lead to better results. Understand that we ARE the creators of our lives.

There are four branches to avidya:  asmita(ego), raga(making demands), dvesa(rejecting things) and abinivesa(fear).  Notice how each branch interplays with the other and how it affects your life.  I plan to write about each branch over the next few months.  It might not be in the order as listed here.  My form of writing is inspirational; when I'm in the mood or something happens, I write.  Stay tuned, you never know what can happen.............

The Ugly Truth

OMG!!!!!!  yesterday i experienced an emotion that i hadn't experienced in a long time.  this emotion is referred to by many names one being the green eyed monster also called jealousy.  you're probably wondering what happened............did someone say something or act in a foolish way to stir up this particular emotion.  i can honestly tell you it was none of the above.  it was a comment posted on a social network(it's not facebook).  it was so strange.  one minute i'm reading comments posted in the discussion forum then all of a sudden i see this comment and the first thought that jumps into my head is "oh no she didn't!!!!  who does she think she is trying to step to my man!!!!"  the irony is i'm single.  i'm not married, i'm not engaged, i'm not in a committed relationship so how could i call this person MY man?  WHOA i had to check myself and fast.  what was causing this insecurity? why was i taking it so personally?  the comment had nothing to do with me; it didn't even refer to me.  it was my interpretation, my inability to see clearly (avidya ~ sanskrit) that was causing me to feel this way.  the feeling that i was losing something that i felt was rightfully mine(though i have no claim to it).  how many times have you acted, said or done something so stupid because you were completely blinded by e-motion(energy in motion)?  in the past, i have done things that would make a priest blush all because i thought i was right or owed an explanation.  in this case, there was nothing to explain because nothing happened.  what i read was a comment shared between two people in a public forum; that's it.  nothing more, nothing less.  i could either accept it for what it was or make myself sick with worry trying to read more into it.  i chose to accept it and move on.  trust me, i'm a work in progress and have my moments.  what's important is recognizing what happens and taking the immediate steps to correct it.

earlier today, i watched an episode of one of my favorite shows Ghost Whisperer.  the episode was about a ghost who died as a result of his jealousy.  sound familiar?  was this coincidence?  i don't think so.  it showed what can happen when people suspect the worst.  it started as an innocent prank on a radio show.  one character wanted, needed reassurance that her husband was faithful.  it didn't matter how many times he said i love you she didn't believe him.  because of her insecurity and constant accusations he left to be with another woman(who so happened to be the former fiance of the ghost).  they got together AFTER the guy(aka ghost) went missing.  but that's not how the wife or the ghost saw it.  the ghost died on his way to confront the fiance he thought was cheating.  turns out it was all a great misunderstanding; no one was cheating.  the perception and feeling of inadequacy that the jilted parties felt blinded them from the truth.  their partners cared about them and wouldn't have done anything to jeopardize their respective relationships.  i really appreciated the message the episode gave.  instead of wasting time trying to impress others, seeking their approval, or asking them accept us unconditionally we have to accept ourselves for who we are and recognize the beauty that surrounds us.  by looking within, we can find all that we need and don't have to place unrealistic expectations on others.  sting said it best "if you love someone, set them free".  jealousy is an unhealthy e-motion that results from fear.  i choose to live a life withOUT fear.  by doing that, i FREE myself.

Can Love Conquer All?

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!!  I hope all of you had a blessed, peaceful and relaxing holiday.

For the past few weeks I've wanted to write about love.  You know the romantic kind of love; the type of love you see in the movies, read in books and fantasize about.  You know that mushy feeling you get when you see the person that sends your heart all a flutter.

I was watching a movie this afternoon and wondered, "Can love conquer everything?"  I mean, really.........does love trump reality?  In light of all the celebrity scandals in 2009, I think it's safe to say that LOVE isn't enough to keep a relationship going.  Since this is a new year and the beginning of a new decade I won't dredge up all the examples, all you have to do is turn on the tv or read the entertainment section.  When did LOVE stop being enough?  I believe in love; I like being in love.  All is right with the world:  colors are vivid & bright, food tastes better, getting stuck in ATL traffic isn't as annoying(and trust me the only thing worse than traffic in Atlanta is LA traffic; they drive crazy over there) but I digress.  Everything is GREAT when you're in love.  Then something happens, the honeymoon ends(usually around 6 months) and things that you were able to ignore or thought were cute start to annoy the S@%T out of you.  Mind you, the person always had these habits he/she hasn't changed BUT now you WANT them to change.  So you start working out ways to fix them, mold them, trying to get them to do things that will in the end(hopefully) re-create the feelings you had in the beginning.

Problem is, sometimes it doesn't work.  Sometimes you grow a part.  You may feel that you've invested too much time and effort into making this relationship work so you're not willing to walk away.  Even though it's painfully obvious that both of you are UNhappy.  When you're dating, walking away is easier(unless they're psychotic).  What happens when you're married?  There was a time when couples stayed together for the sake of the children.  You don't see that now.  Staying in an unhealthy situation is never the answer; it doesn't solve anything.  All it does is create a hostile environment and sets a poor example for children.  Then there's the alimony and spousal support.  I used to think that women deserved the amount of money they got.  That frame of mentality has changed.  Some of this ish doesn't make sense anymore.  How can a person demand $76,000/month in alimony?  As Ed Lover would say, "C'mon Son!!!!"  Have we as women lost our forsaken minds?  Each case is different, but I'm saying though.............WTF?  If you're a woman who never worked and held your man down while he took on the world that's one thing.  There was a time when women didn't have access to education or job opportunities.  That's not the case today.  Is it rational to ask for a large sum of money just to maintain your level of lifestyle?  What happened to getting a job and setting an example?  Then we wonder why men don't want to be married!!!  I don't even buy into the shortage of men.  That's straight up BULLS@&T .  Divorce is expensive as hell. 

A friend criticized me once for wanting the perfect man.  I told him plainly that what I expected wasn't perfection.  I want someone who is a provider.  Men are hunters and gathers; go hunt, bring home the kill so I can cook it, dayum it.  My role is to hold you down while you're out taking on the world.  I want someone who is honest; don't tell me what you think is going to make me happy.  There's a proper way to tell the truth without bruising my ego, in turn I pledge not to ask stupid questions like "does this outfit make me look fat" or "do you miss me" or "so what do you think about when we're alone together".  Be trustworthy, have table manners, show compassion to those less fortunate.  And when someone steps to me the wrong way, be ready to WHOOP that ASS!!!!  Is that asking too much?  I don't like the term submissive.  Believe me when I tell you that there are certain men in my life who I don't go off on.  I don't do it because they're handling business and not going to tolerate it.  A male friend says all a man wants is peace.  Ladies let me tell you he's telling the absolute truth.  A man will give you the shirt off his back(literally) once he knows that you support him.  It's okay to disagree and have a different point of view, men don't want robots.  A man needs to know that the woman in his life respects him. 

Does love play a role?  LOVE is a fleeting emotion(i.e. energy in motion).  Our feelings change every minute of the day.  For a relationship to work, for the planet to heal, for humanity to evolve there has to be more than love.  All that is good has to be put into practice and lived as a code of honor, only then will LOVE conquer all.